Memoir of my dream

   When I was young, as I looked towards the sea on a clear day I’m wondering how far is that island from where I am setting on stone at the beach side of  Pitogo . Marinduque is long like a snake setting far beyond my eyes. The sea was calm as if like an oil filled the whole water. But I must go first closer to where I am gazing the little island nearby I called it Pulo every young adventurous children want to go there . A friend of mine yelled at me “ we must go there its plenty of guava” Its was early September were rowing a little canoe Betty  is a year older than me courageous and high spirited. She’s been my friend since birth I guess.

 Were been paddling as quickly as we can . We steal the canoe from old Tomas he must be looking for it. As we reach to the island the odour of ripe guava can be smell from the shore we are so happy to get there on time ,birds still not eating fruits. My mother Greta  scolded me when we get back from the island she yelled as far everyone  can hear .” you’re a naughty girl if that boat sink you could drown” I quickly showed the basket full of guava fruits. She frowned and only shake her head .

    I was playing  a pretending sailor  near our veranda I heard the bus passing by in our street and wonder how far this bus can take me . My first bus trip was coming with my grandmother to Gumaca my mother was at the hospital gave birth to my little brother going to Gumaca was like a dream another step of adventure. I thought its far but when my parents took the whole family to Lucena I felt that is very far. My father was from Lucena that year he decided to take his family for the town festival which held during month of May there are a lots of different fruits at the bus terminal ,mangoes,chico,watermelon and singkamas (Jicama in Spanish) Lucena is the capital of Quezon province at the time it’s a big city for my interpretation there are three cinemas and it has three parks near Lucena city hall my grand parents from my father side lives not far from the park so every afternoon we played at the park as if we are in a enchanted land.

        At seven I earned my first coins buy selling fish , my girlfriend’s father was a fisherman he goes to fishing troll to exchange goods for fish, me and Betty will sell it around the town, he will give us twenty cents for a peso which for us will be enough to buy a lolly. Over my primary years I’m not shy to sell something I would get up at dawn to sell rice cake (puto) screaming around the town to get attention for my buyers which was also good for them as I am becoming their alarm clock waking them up. Sometimes I can be seen selling my rice cake at front of the only one cinema in town  during show time twice a week at night when  my rice cake sold out earlier I could sneak in to the cinema for free as I become friend to the ticket master. At school I would help my classmates for their homework in exchange of writing papers or pencil that I could use for school project.. Despite all of this I developed inferiority not because of I am earning a little bit of money that I also gave to my mother or being smart at school, but for being  poor that my parent wont be able to support me . This inferior complex  lead me to dream that one day I could live in better life.

    We owned two farm  at nearby town Gumaca and Macalelon. Our farm in Gumaca was about twenty minutes walked from the main road. At early age adventure was always in my dream. My parents will stayed at the farm during coconut harvest I will come and visit them alone pretending that my grandmother Lina wants me to take some dried fish. As I walked towards the farm I could hear chipping birds flying around anahaw leaves (Saribus rotundifolius ) I always take a knife with me as if I am a pirate ready for a fight. I would cut off the leaf and used as my hat. At young age by seeing my parents how copra produce it give me a joy of helping them breaking the coconut shell or just draining the coconut water off.

    I was thirteen when my true adventure come to life  it was summer at our farm in Macalelon me and my sister Lily was playing along with my two little brother one was only six months old and five years old the other. Four of us are on top of the hammock made from blanket as we swinging the hammock fell down the floor that create a loud noise my six months old brother cried although he was not hurt as he was on top of me when we fell off the floor, my mother hurriedly came to see what was happening as I looked at her, I saw a furious woman with a machete in her hand. Her eyes was likes a fire looking at me. Scared as I am thinking she would kill me I ran as fast as I can not realising two of my siblings are following me. Our house was setting on top of the mountain , On it there was a stream running down the bottom where it connect to the river . We came down from the mountain with no shoes or slipper as we came and followed the river not knowing where to go still shaking I decided to come and see my uncle Guido but he want not around when we get in to his farm. There was huge mango tree near the river bank we stop as we don’t have something to eat at least in my mind mango fruit can feed our hunger.

       Walking along the road towards Pitogo barefooted with in intense heat from the sun was unimaginable we stopped from time to time to have my little brother Ramon to gain some rest. As I sat down I kept thinking about my mother wondering why she hated me remembering when she was  talking to her friends about me while I’m listening behind the door “ The good thing is I prefer Lily than her” I’m only nine at the time and still coming to my mind am I her daughter? I dreamed that one day my skin will come off  and my real parents will come and get me. It build my doubt when she mention that when I was about two my head was full of scabs and she would not even touched me, my father will clean and washed me. I will ran off from her and go my grandmother Lina. It was dusk when we arrived Pitogo we walked twenty eight kilometres from Macalelon farm with no foods and barefooted as we are ,we entered the town proper we stayed in the bush until dark so no one will notice us coming. My brother Rob and uncle Ric was at home they can’t believed what we did and I explained what happened .

         I was mopping the floor when I’ve noticed my mother standing behind me although scared I didn’t say nothing. “ You will be going to Lucena to work as baby setter” She said quietly as she walked away from me . I was stunned don’t know what to do I thought I will be going to High School my heart felt as if heaven and earth squeezed me. I cried , my dream chattered I want to be somebody that can travelled around the world now without education I will be ending to be nobody. My mother took three months advance payment for my salary. Being a servant was not easy we slept In a floor at the lounge room and eat in different table we got up early to clean the house and me being a baby sitter I have to be with the baby most of the time. When I looked at my bosses and seeing them in a good life being served I dreamed that I was one of their child until one day my big brother  Dan showed up and telling me that our father died. It was late at night when we arrived in Pitogo I went to the bedroom checking if the body was there but nothing only when I turned back there was a lone coffin I went to touch it but I didn’t cry as I saw nothing of my father’s familiar face the coffin was sealed. I went downstairs and I saw my mother making clothes, black in color I sat next to her but she didn’t say nothing I presumed she’s grieving.

        At funeral I didn’t even remember if I cried as it seems it blocked my memory of remembering it but as soon as the funeral was finished all I noticed was my brother Dan was setting at the bench of our window we are setting at the wooden couch nearby he was crying. A week past me, my mother and two of my siblings Dan and little Erwin  (he was only nine months old) went up to the farm. It was there where my father died a sudden death according to my mother he had a turbulent cough and in minutes he died. My brother Dan was with them ,as he was helping my father to manage our nine hectares farm uncultivated . At eighteen a dead father and a grieving mother with a nine months old brother was in his shoulder . 

        It was night time the lightings are crackling the wind was blowing everywhere the trees are swaying as if there was a helicopter coming. My brother went out on the dark trying to familiarize himself as he can hear the carabao mooing he crabbed its leash and tied it tight at the coconut near the house . I can hear the stream of water rushing underneath the house then suddenly a cracked , one of the tree branch fell down at the roof made from coconut leaves. It went direct down the middle of the house that made it more vulnerable to rain and wind. Me and my mother held my little brother in her arms ran across the corner of the house only winnowing basket covered our head . Dan came in when he heard the noise as he saw the trunk of the trees fell down. My mother was quite and scared I am wet all over, Dan quickly grab his machete and cut Saribus rotundifolius leaves which was planted near our garden. The wind started demolishing our wall by its powerful blow the rain was none stop as if the world will end. I slept on my knees drifting my conscience into a balloon as I am floating up in  the sky wind blowing swiftly then suddenly I felt  the coldness in the body  as I woke up I’ve noticed my clothes are wet the surrounding became quite the frogs are started to sing as if letting us know everything is going to be alright.

 

 

 

 

To be continue……

Memoir of my dream